Feeling Hurt.

So I joined a new group today.  An adult site.  I guess site had been down a while and they just got it back up and added all the people who had been waiting.  I was one that was added today.  Well,  I guess some people had their pictures reported. New people. As older members joined conversation, some of them had reports against them too. And they stared making digs about the newbies. “thought we were gonna add members slowly, fail”. New people are asses…

Could not help but think, way to make the new members feel welcome. Now I sit here and all I want to do is unjoin the group.

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When people drop of the face of the earth

So have you ever had anyone you know drop off the face of the earth? I don’t just mean some acquaintance, but someone you are really close to.  Some might not totally disappear, but withdraw from your life in a very significant way.

Of course we all have had close friends that have drifted  Away… not really what I am talking about. 

I once had a best friend that did that. We planned to get together that weekend. Last words he said to me were that loved me and would see me Saturday.  Never heard from him again.  All our other friend still had contact with him (even his abusive ex).

Years later had an old friend, Friends for 18 yrs.  We would get together and have lunch a couple times a week.  I got sick and almost died.  He never came to the hospital, never called the hospital, never sent a card, ever called or visited when I got out.  Saw him once after. Vsited him in new apartment. Then never head from him again.

Many years later, I met a guy and we become close friends. He would send me several long emails a day.  We skyped  several times a day ( almost 5 hrs a day). Then one day, skyping stops and his email replies are a sentence or two, sometimes just a couple words. I gave hi benefit of doubt, maybe just a bad time for him. Waiting for things to go back to normal. Never did.  When I would ask if  it was a bad time for him, he would always say no but be cold. Him pulling away was all in my head. oddly enough, he is no longer around either.

That one was a mess. Also because he wanted more than friendship and it was when I became open to  the idea, that he bailed.  Played a lot of mind games with me . Treat me like shit, but I am very important to him.  Wants to hang out, but is cold ad distant the whole time. 

Went through an “I hate men” phase. LOL  That lasted for many months. Then decided I had to move on, make new friends, distract myself all his shit.

Made a few friends.  Had one who liked to send me messages all through out the day. I get  message one day that he has unfriended/ unfollowed me from some site. I politely say ok well goodbye. He says it is a glitch, he would Never want to unfriend me.  Then one day he was a little busy. I thought ok I will give him space, just wait until I hear from him again. Guess what. Yep gone with the wind.

At the same time met another friend.  We started talking all night.  Became very good friends.  Talked most days. sent each other emails and pictures, messages through all the different social media sites. Then he stopped responding to my messages and emails.  Now I don’t hear from him at all .

It is always men that drop off the face of he earth. Have had convos with them and told the how I would never want to be friends with someone who did not want be my friend. That I would rather just say hey this is not  working for me, than spend time with someone who would rather not be there.

So why can’t men just say goodbye. Why can they not say that they don’t want to hang out? Why do they even go so far as to tell you how important you are to them, when it I a lie and they don’t want to be around you? Why do they insist on spending time together and treat you like shit the whole time? Why do they act like you are crazy when they make it plain that they don’t want to be around you?  I have given you an out, take it.  Why why why????

 

 

off men

So do any of you have those days where you just throw up our hands and say ” I am so off men” ? Yeah, I am having one of those times.  And it seems to be cumulative. Each guy makes me that much less trusting of men.  Man after man after man.  They lie, and for NO FUCKIN REASON AT ALL.  WTF? I get lying when it benefits you, but when it only hurts you…..???? What? When a new guys says the same things I heard before, but swears he is telling the truth…. Of course I SHOULD trust him.  He is not the last guy, but a small voice in the back of my head will always be saying “yeah right! Heard that before. Liar liar liar.”. 

 

I know it is not fair to not trust someone because another lied to you.  Time and time again I hear that little voice, and that little voice has always been right in the past.

Truth is I do not know that Mr  X is being untrustworthy, but I know he has lost my trust.  His actions have made me doubt, and doubt is a horrible thing.  I went in open and trusting (recklessly so). While I wish with every cell in my body that he is as honest and trustworthy as he puts himself out as being, I know I will never completely trust him again. 

Or any man for that matter. What a pity.

Always so late.

It is always so late when I get on here. Then I d not want to type anything good or deep or heavy or interesting really. LOL. Some day might write a bit about modern “relationships”. New world of internet friendships and new ways of “play”. With twitter, kik, FB, tumbler, wordpress, Skype, etc   all new ways to meet and connect with people. Dirty talk , text and send pics to people you will never meet.  The complexities of  whole new world .  The good , the bad, the ugly!!!!!

CONFESSIONS OF A GAY RUGBY PLAYER 2

Patrick Darcy

Confessions Part 2

CONFESSIONS OF A GAY RUGBY PLAYER 2 

BUY ME

It’s out now! Here’s a tasty little excerpt:

The Copenhagen lads manage to give the ball to their back to attack the thirteen channel. Their tall, rangy fullback enters the line and runs straight into Cahal. For an outside back, Cahal loves to tackle. He drops his shoulder and cuts the poor Viking in half. I can just imagine his broad shoulder hitting the Viking’s hard abs. I’d like to see him make that tackle with them both naked. Hmmm. You can hear the lads on the sidelines oohing, as the hit comes in.

That really was a big hit. It makes me smile. The poor fullback spills the ball, and it’s a quick turn over ball for us. It’s moved left into a gap, and the backs run it under the post. Simple. I think we only made two or…

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